It's the Most Spendiest Time of the Year

Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. That means we have around forty days left to shop for the holidays. I always have mixed feelings about Christmas shopping. Some years I'm all about it, and other years I get all bitter and just want it to be over. Either way, I feel like I've personified each of these types of holiday shoppers at some point:

#1: You kind of want to smack her, don't you?

1. The Enthusiastic Mall Shopper :: This is the shopper, typically a woman, who practically skips through the mall during the holidays. She's got

department store bags cascading down both arms, and usually has a very detailed shopping list. Her face is frozen in a giddy smile, she says, "Happy Holidays!" to everyone, and she's probably humming, if not singing, along with the pumped-in Christmas music. And I don't know why, but she's always perfectly coiffed too :: skinny jeans, tall boots, stylish coat with a matching holiday scarf & mitten set. Bonus points for wearing a Santa hat.

2. The Online Shopper :: Screw the mall, the Online Shopper prefers the comforts of their own home, heck - sometimes even their bed. Why should you have to do things like put on pants or fight for a parking spot when you get just surf the web in your footed pajamas without so much as brushing your teeth? The gifts will just magically arrive at their home in mere days, and if they really don't want to leave home, they'll just have them shipped right to the recipient. This shopper knows all the best shopping sites, and probably has an AmazonPrime membership. They've also got tons of promo codes and they're not afraid to use them. Free shipping? Child's play. 

3. The Grandparent/Traditionalist Shopper :: Grandparents are known for their gift giving extravaganzas. They've got cash burning a hole in their pocket, so they make it rain on the little ones. When they shop, they gravitate towards present that either A) require batteries, B)make lots of noises or C) are the well-intended but totally misguided like the bunny pajamas from A Christmas Story (I think those were actually from the aunt, but you get the idea). They get Barbies for the 15-year-old. And who could forget Kevin McAllister's grandparents in Home Alone who got him a sweater with a giant bird knitted on it. You can get beat up for wearing something like that, Grandma! My grandma was more of a traditionalist - us grand kids got a different Christmas ornament every year from her starting in 1986 until she died after Christmas 2009. In 2010 when my grandpa didn't have her to help organize the annual ornament, he went through all her own personal ornaments and doled some of them out to each of us. I love and hate the University of Notre Dame ornament I received that year :: I had given it to her a few year prior and then I got to get it back. 

4. The Forgetful Shopper :: The Forgetful Shoppers think they're ahead of the game because they stock up on gifts all year 'round. They're the ones shopping the Day-After-Christmas sales looking for something to give their mother in 364 days. They find the perfect present for their sister while on vacation in April, so they squirrel it away in some box in the basement to wait for the holidays. By October, they pretty much have an arsenal of presents that have been carefully selected throughout the year, and more importantly they're all already paid for. The Forgetful Shopper gets their name, though, from the fact that they totally forget about the gift stockpile, and end up buying their mom and sister something else entirely. Now, they can either give them both gifts (which effectively doubled their spending) or, they think, "why don't I just put one of these down in the basement until next year?" Which they do. The ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiife....

Because nothing says, "I love you" like a piece of plastic

5. The No-Nonsense Shopper :: Listen, the No-Nonsense Shopper doesn't have time to pick out presents. They don't know what you want and they probably don't care. Instead they roll into old-reliable retailers and grab up gift cards like they're candy. Got a nephew who's totally into video games but you're not sure which ones? Boom, Best Buy. Have a brother who likes to eat? Done, Olive Garden (because who doesn't love unlimited breadsticks?). Occasionally there's that No-Nonsense Shopper who can't even be bothered to go to all those different places. Their gift recipients all get the same gift card :: Target. And if that's still too much work, then everyone just gets a greeting card (usually a birthday card because that's what was in the desk drawer and works perfectly fine once you take a Sharpie to it) with straight cash. You don't mess around, No-Nonsense Shoppers.

6. The Non-Shopper :: A Non-Shopper doesn't do gifts. While there is the rare individual who actually just doesn't feel generous and doesn't want to spend money, a Non-Shopper is usually not about that. Many of them have their Jesus-is-the-Reason-for-the-Season speech prepared, and will tell you all about how Christ would not approve of Santa and his shenanigans. There are others who carry around a soap box so that they can lecture everyone on the ugliness of American consumerism and advertising. Or how wasteful all the wrapping and packaging and bags and STUFF is. Whatever their reason, I don't really get it. 

7. The DIY Shopper :: This shopper spends more of their money at Hobby Lobby and the grocery store than at Macy's and Target. They craft beautiful woolen scarves and delicious sweet breads wrapped in hand-stamped parchment. There's usually hot glue and glitter involved. First timers beware - people often think you will save money by making all your own gifts, but this is a myth. An embarrassing amount of my money has disappeared at fabric stores and specialty food stores and I'm not really sure what I got out of the transactions except for hot glue burns and mildly deformed cookies. And I don't even want to talk about the time we tried to make fudge covered Oreos for the neighbors. While I do love, love, love making gifts, there's always a fine line between a treasured creation and ending up with the sock bunny from the Friends episode where Chandler and Monica have to make each other presents for Valentine's Day. 

The rookies always have carts ::
you can't run while pushing one of those bad boys!

8. The Black Friday Shopper :: These shoppers are Looney Tunes. They pour over the store ads finding the best deals, and then wake up (stay up?) to go get in line in the cold so that they can elbow some elderly woman to make sure they get their presents at rock-bottom prices. That's what we think of, anyway. Dan and I used to Black Friday shop every year together and I loved it. We would peruse the ads, make a game plan based on when all the different stores opened and then wake up early, don our Santa hats and wait. We sang carols with others waiting, or held someone's place while they went to warm up in the car. We rarely experienced rudeness and always had fun. Plus our Christmas shopping was usually completed by 10am and then we got pancakes and a month of worry-free holiday festivities. Even when I was younger I remember my dad taking us out to nab an early-bird deal or two. But the last couple years, the fun of getting up early and having it feel special has diminished as stores open earlier and earlier. It feels more like you're invading on someone else's family time. Plus, stores typically put the same types of things on sale and we only have so many relatives that we can give a popcorn popper or mini crockpot. 

9. The Christmas Eve Shopper :: I think the real crazies are those that wait until the DAY BEFORE Christmas to get their gifts. I get anxious just thinking about that. What if the store is out of what you want? What if they have it but you didn't realize it was 400 bucks and now you need a new idea in the 11th hour?! Sure, the sales and crowds might be similar to Black Friday, but I imagine a sense of urgency in the masses that makes it way more stressful. I can't handle it. First of all, my family is opening presents by 11am on Christmas Eve so there ain't time for that. Secondly, by Christmas Eve I'm already exhausted by the holidays that all I want to do is wrap a few stragglers, drink some cider and sing some carols. I am NOT going to the mall...

10. The On-the-Way Shopper :: I mean, bless 'em. The On-the-Way Shopper, for whatever reason, gets their gifts en route to whatever gathering they're headed. Maybe they called the host for directions while in the car, the host said, "I can't wait for you to see your gift!" and they freaked out and pulled into the nearest Super America so they would have something to give in return. Maybe they left all the "real" presents on their kitchen counter in Georgia. Whatever their dilemma, you can tell if your giver is this type of shopper because your gift consists of Slim Jims and gummy bears. If you're lucky, you'll be given scratch-off tickets. If you're really lucky, you'll win some money to buy some more scratch-offs on your way to that Christmas cocktail party that you forgot was tonight...

Regardless of what kind of shopper I manifest myself as this season (okay fine, it's #4 and #7 and probably a little bit of #10), whether or not I love every minute of wrapping packages and curling ribbon, the end result is always the same. I love watching friends and family open gifts. I like being surrounded by loved ones at the time of year when generosity is highest. Last year I found out that I also love getting to be Santa. And at the end of the day it doesn't where or when you got the presents, or if you even got them at all. It just matters that you make sure the people in your life who matter the most know how important they are to you. 

Happy Holidays :: let's get shopping!