Despite all the trees down in our neighborhood from last night's storm, today was a perfect beach day so Hank and I headed over to Shady Oak Beach to put our season passes to use. If you're in the West Metro area and haven't been before, you should definitely check it out (we have guest passes for this summer still if you want to join us one day!).
It's your typical lake beach with decent sand, toddler floating docks, a Big People dock with high and regular dive boards, water play area, playground, volleyball sandpits, and concessions...among other things.
We spent half our time at the water play area where I would fill buckets with water and Henry would dump them on his head, obviously. And it was apparently hiiiilarious. After that we alternated between wading and sitting in the shallows, and backing up on the beach so that we could hold hands and run full speed into the water screaming, "WHEEEE!". It was pretty awesome.
While Hank ate sand and chased minnows, I did what I do best :: people watched. I feel like no matter what beach you go to, there's always the same types of patrons:
1. The Splashers. (So basically this was us today.) The Splashers are those annoying people who keep running through the water and splashing everyone they pass. They're usually 7-year-old boys and pay no attention to the Mom-Glares they get from their adult victims (you know the looks). There was such a chronic Splasher during our last beach outing that I actually stepped it up a level and gave him the Mom-Finger (the "STOP THAT" one-flick, pointer finger gesture).
2. The Lifeguards You're Not Quite Sure You Trust. Sure, they know how to swim and they wear those nifty fanny-packs that suggest they know first-aid, but there's something about those sun-kissed teens that makes me skeptical. Maybe it's the bullhorns or the whistles that makes it feel like they have too much power over me. Maybe it's the fact that it always seems like there's a hundred of them lounging around that "Lifeguard Shack" but only one or two on the actual Watch. Today it was because I swear that punk was asleep behind his neon plastic sunglasses.
3. The 1-Piece Moms. When I was younger, these moms used to baffle me :: why would you wear a blah one-piece, or the kind with the build-in skirt, when there were so many cute two pieces? These moms are usually uncomfortably taking shade under an umbrella or an oversized hat with a blanket pulled over their legs, and constantly reapplying sunscreen to squirmy children. Now I am a 1-Piece Mom and I totally get it. I don't wear a bikini because ain't nobody want to see this baby-pooch or left-over stretch marks. The built-in skirt (although I don't have one) is a great way to hide either 1) blindingly white thighs (which I do have) or 2) cellulite (which I also have). Hmm, maybe I should get a skirt-suit...
4. The 2-Piece Moms. These are the moms whose bodies handled pregnancies freakishly well. They rock the bikinis and the aviator sunglasses, and are usually doing something cool like playing water tennis or 500-catch with groups of kids. I hate the 2-Piece Moms. Just kidding (no I'm not...yes I am...).
5. The Too-Cool-for-High-Schoolers. These kids usually are doing one of three things: 1) Making out in the corner of the swim area. Watching them stick their tongues down each others throats can gross you out, but it's not half as bad as thinking about what's going on under the water. 2) Hanging out on the dock; particularly the girls. They lounge up there, and generally waste the day away up there but never actually go in the water. They complain during a safety break about how they have to get wet, apparently forgetting that that's how they got there in the first place. 3) Horsing around in the water; usually the boys. They're too tan, too buff and too...immature. They try to push the girls off the dock and they ignore the lifeguards.
Whichever category the teen falls into, they shriek. A LOT.
6. The Water-Wings-Wearing, Dive-Stick-Seeking, Snorel-Sucking Grade Schoolers. Man, these kids have fun. They've got so much sand on their suits that they actually look brown. They chase fish. They find shells. They've got red suction lines around their eyes from wearing goggles too long. These kids are lovin' life and so much fun to watch.
7. The Creepy Sunbathing Dude. He's got his Coleman Cooler full of what I can only imagine are wine coolers. His bathing suit is usually of the Speedo variety and you can smell his tanning oil from four towels away. He's got long, blonde hair that's tied back in an aWeSoMe ponytail, and he's got his ghetto-blaster tuned to something like KQ92 or KOOL108 (no iPod dock for this guy). This guy is basically a transplant from the 1980s. Oh, and he's almost always alone. Creeepyyyy.
8. The Moat-Building/Filling Boys. "Quick! Go get more water! It's almost full!!!" Enough said.
9. The Gymnastics Girls. I was for SURE a Gymnastics Girl when I was younger - pretending I was on an underwater balance beam and practicing my flips and hand-stands. Typically, if there's more than one in the same area, they'll join forces and choreograph full routines. The key to a Gymnatics Girl? They usually have absolutely zero gymnastics background. Ten point Oh!
10. The All-Dayers. These are the groups that are usually two families or more. They come prepared with the coolers of juice boxes and Diet Coke, the reusuable shopping bags full of PB&J sandwiches and Doritos, the iPod dock, the extra towels, the sand toys and more inflatables then they would ever be able to use. These peeps are in for the long haul. Their bathing suits will go through at least three wet-dry cycles throughout the day. The moms are there bright and early in the morning to snag the best umbrella or the spot with the best sun-shade mix to set up camp (seriously, sometimes they bring screen tents). Those kids leave at the end of the day with grit in their teeth, five layers of sunscreen and utter sun fatigue. The All-Dayers are my favorite type of beach goer and as soon as Henry can handle it, you betcha we're joining that club.
For today, we jam-packed our 2 hours full of fun and I left with a sweet-sweat smelling boy who waved good-bye to the beach from over my shoulder. We'll be back soon...
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